David Deangelo Mailbag: What To Talk About On The First Date Sept. 1, 2001
“What To Talk About On The First Date” - September 1, 2001
I get a lot of guys who ask me "What should we talk about on the first date?" and "What do I do if she asks me something that I don't want to answer?" and such.
These are great questions.
If the conversation goes too far in the wrong direction, it can ruin the entire rest of the time, and can lead to a premature end to what could have been a very beautiful thing.
When I go out with a woman for the first time (and I always recommend just doing coffee or tea for the first meeting) I like to accomplish a few main things:
1) Let her know that I'm very selective, and that I'm auditioning her just as much as she's auditioning me.
2) Make sure she's the kind of woman that I'd like to spend more time with in the future.
3) Leave myself with an easy excuse to leave should she try to convert me to her religion or sell me Amway.
4) Have flexibility to go on and do something else after should the time be enjoyable.
So, let's say that you're sitting there with latte in hand, all ready to charm her with your wit and personality. What do you say? And what do you talk about? And how do you avoid the things that you don't want to talk about (like the fact that you still live with your mom AND your old grandma)?
First, let me share how I think about this whole situation in general.
Most women have the idea that the first date is to basically qualify the man, figure out what's wrong with him, figure out what kind of guy he is (push over or a challenge), and decide if a second date is in order.
Now, if you want to be a sheep, it's a good idea to just go along with whatever she wants to talk about, and to answer all of her questions directly. It's also a great way to get yourself thought of as a wuss.
Here's a little secret: Most women don't realize it on a conscious level, but if a man goes along with whatever they ask him, and do whatever she wants, he becomes less ATTRACTIVE to her.
I know that this doesn't make sense, but people don't make sense... does that make sense?
In any event, I believe that it's important to never let the conversation get out of control, and never let her lead you down a road that is a dead end (like the old conversation about whether you want marriage and kids!).
It's OK to be sarcastic and difficult, and to stay in control of the conversation.
So let's talk about how to do just that.
I personally like to talk about current affairs... but with a special twist. I think that it's fun to make fun of famous, beautiful women!
I might say "Did you see American Pie 2? What's with how fake Naudia looked in thta movie?" or "Did you see the Madonna concert on TV? She's getting up there, isn't she?"
Now, if I'm with a girl that obviously has low self esteem, or is not that attractive, I might go with something a little bit lighter like "So what's with all these plain girls on the covers of the model magazines?"
The point is that I want to let her know that I'm not the kind of guy that just rolls over and worships a woman because she's a woman. I want her to know that I'm just as or even more selective than her.
When a woman believes that you're selective, she'll usually respond by trying harder to get your attention. This is human nature. We put more value on things that we think are harder to get.
I always like to find some way to make it known that I'm a selective guy, and I like women who are more than the average amount of attractive, intelligent and funny.
Let's talk about the specifics and the how to...
Remember: Women love to gossip and talk about other women and men. They love sordid dirty tales of other people with all the details.
So have some dramatic current affairs on tap for conversation.
Scandals involving famous people are one of my personal favorites. Right now we have th Gary Condit drama going in full force. This creates a great opportunity to say "So what's with this Gary Condit guy? Doesn't he get it? And couldn't he have chosen a CUTE girl instead?"
Another one that's going on right now is Tom Cruise breaking up with Nicole Kidman and dating Penelope Cruz. Great opportunity to say "Now what in the world is Tom thinking? I mean, he goes from bad to worse..."
The key is that you want to stay away from boring conversating like "Where were you born?" and "What do you do for a living?" and "What kind of car do you drive?"
Those kinds of topics are bad bad bad.
You want to be talking about Kid Rock dating Pamela Anderson... and that you think Pamela isn't very attractive because she looks fake. Are you with me?
Which leads me to my next favorite thing to do... I never give her a straight answer about my personal life or background.
If she asks me what I do for a living, I might answer with "I see, so nest you'll want to know what I drive, where I live, and if I love my mom, right?"
Said in a sarcastic, cocky, funny way, this will do two things: It will make her EVEN MORE curious, and it will agitate her a little... and if you say it right it will have the added bonus of making her laugh (which is the most important part).
Whenever she asks a question, BE DIFFICULT IN A FUNNY WAY. Make her work for an answer. But make sure she's laughing, too...
This is a great way to turn a regular, normal old conversation into something fun.
Of course, if you want a detailed look inside the mind of women, and all the details about how to be interesting and ATTRACTIVE to women, you need to read my book "double your dating". It has all the information you need to be a rock star in the dating department. You'll find all the details at:
ebook download link
I'll talk to you next week.
*P.S. Go out this weekend and try what you just learned. Then email me your success stories to me at:
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If yours is good, I'll publish them in my next newsletter! So let me know.*